Honesty in parent-child relationships is what many mothers and fathers strive for. It is not surprising that they are severely disappointed when the child suddenly begins to lie, dodge and shield himself in every possible way. It should be immediately noted that deception in childhood can be of an entertaining nature, but most often this phenomenon indicates serious problems in family relationships and means that the child needs support. So what should you do if your child is lying, and what are the sources of childhood dishonesty?
Every child sooner or later learns to lie. That is, we can say that everyone lies, but children who are insecure are much more likely than others to lie. For example, a preschooler or teenager may lie to avoid punishment or to assert themselves. And any case that hides a child’s deception requires special attention and study.
There are a great many factors that force a child to lie to his parents or peers. American psychotherapist Lawrence Kutner, whose main specialization is child psychology, identified the main reasons that encourage children and adolescents to deceive.
Fear of punishment
The most common reason why children cheat is fear of punishment. This is especially true for those children who are brought up in excessive severity or for whom excessive demands are placed.
A simple example: a child breaks a cup and tries to hide the pieces so that adults do not establish the fact of the “crime.” If pieces of glass are found, the baby either denies it or shifts the blame to his brother or pet.
Such behavior is a way to adapt to parental authoritarianism, avoid punishment, and additionally meet unrealistic expectations. Agree, a 5-year-old child is not yet so dexterous that he can clean and wash dishes without problems and “accidents.”
Low self-esteem
The psychology of children is such that they vitally need recognition from their comrades. That is why a child can say that his dad is a super agent, and he himself met with some famous person. Rare cases of such deception are not considered pathological, since children tend to brag.
It’s a different matter when a child constantly lies, either exaggerating the family’s income or talking about his imaginary achievements. This may indicate serious dissatisfaction with oneself. Parents should find out if he feels he is useless, or if his classmates are making fun of him.
Riot
For many teenagers, lying means going against various prohibitions and lowering parental authority. A rebellious child passionately strives for independence and often does not tolerate adult interference in his personal life.
Read also: How to dress a child in kindergarten?
Hence the increase in cases of lies or silence. Teenagers remain silent, deny obvious facts, and begin to shield their peers, especially since in this case spending time in the company of friends becomes more interesting than family gatherings.
Expanding the boundaries of what is acceptable
Another reason why children lie to their parents is again related to growing up. The child needs to create his own space, to feel like an independent person, but these natural desires are faced with parental control and misunderstanding of children's problems.
As a result, a conflict arises: the more often adults resort to their authority, trying to control the child’s actions, the more often he lies, dodges, or does not say anything. Some children, trying to defend personal boundaries, also begin to be rude.
Family problems
If a child lies constantly, often and completely out of place, perhaps a crisis is brewing or is brewing in the family. Often, in this case, theft and damage to property are added to deception. Such signals cannot be ignored because the child desperately needs support.
According to the observations of Lawrence Kutner, such actions are typical for children whose parents are divorcing. Obvious lies, theft, vandalism are sometimes the only opportunity to unite adults, even if they turn them against themselves.
We would note a couple more significant reasons for children's deception. First of all, this is the personal example of parents. If the older generation regularly resorts to lies (even for good), the child can adopt this method of coexistence with loved ones.
Another reason why a child lies is related to the development of imagination and fantasy. Little dreamers are probably the most pleasant of all liars. In addition, such deception is for the benefit of the baby himself, since it develops thought processes and intelligence. This rule applies if the fantasies do not take on a completely pathological character.
Signs of children's lies
So, we’ve figured out the reasons for children’s dishonesty; all that remains is to answer another burning question: how can you tell if a child is lying? Psychology comes to the rescue again, only now body-oriented. Experts suggest noting several characteristic symptoms that indicate deception.
- Static pose. Subconsciously preparing for a possible conflict, the liar seems to freeze in place, does not fidget and tenses up. If a little fidget suddenly becomes “static” when explaining his behavior, he is clearly hiding something.
- Involuntary hand gestures. A little liar can twirl a pen or paper in his palms, twirl a lock of hair on his finger, scratch his nose, fiddle with a button. However, it is important to remember that such actions are also common in anxious children.
- Head tilt. You can see exactly how the child will react to the most direct question. Does your little interlocutor tilt his head back or to the side? Most likely, he wants to deceive you or simply hide part of the truth.
- Touching the mouth. If a child, during a conversation, constantly raises his hand to his throat or mouth, as if covering them, he is clearly nervous and is trying, as it were, to prevent the “breakthrough” of truthful words from coming out. Such actions are one of the most telling signs of deception.
- Pondering. The child's psyche is designed in such a way that impulsiveness manifests itself in almost all moments. But if a child pauses before answering (coughs, asks for a mug of tea, straightens his clothes), most likely he wants to gain time to think about the lie.
- "Hide and seek." If you are lying, then you try to “hide” behind a computer or book. The child also seeks to isolate himself from the interlocutor; for example, he may pick up his favorite teddy bear, phone or tablet.
Read also: Getting rid of “monsters”: childhood fears and overcoming them
Let's not forget about the eyes. If a child tries to look away, you should be wary. However, the most “professional” deceivers, on the contrary, impose eye contact, wanting to avert suspicion. At the same time, the little liars try not to blink.
How to stop a child from lying?
Many studies have been devoted to children's lies, as an interesting and widespread psychological phenomenon. However, it was not possible to find the only correct solution to this problem, since each case is individual. And yet, we have highlighted advice from a psychologist that can help parents choose the most appropriate method of dealing with lies.
- Find the reason why your child is deceiving you. This is the first step to solving the problem, since establishing the motive will tell you how to proceed further. A simple example: if a child lies to assert himself, it will be enough to give him the opportunity to reveal his strengths.
- Start with yourself. We often understand the problem this way: an adult lie is a justifiable action, but a child’s deception is a terrible and irreparable act. However, in order to teach a child honesty, you need to behave truthfully yourself - both in relation to him and in relation to others.
- Avoid harsh punishment. Of course, physical measures should be excluded altogether. You should also avoid overly strict punishment, for example, for a minor offense you can deprive the child of entertainment for the day, etc. The ideal option is to learn to negotiate with children.
- Communicate more with your child. This method works better with preschoolers, since kids are sincerely attached to moms and dads. However, teenagers will also not mind discussing matters with their parents if the conversation is on topics that are of interest to everyone. However, do not go to the other extreme - excessive guardianship.
- Don't demand too much from your child. Your child will continue to cheat if he realizes that he does not meet the requirements you put forward. He may not grow up to be a great musician or artist, but he will be able to reveal other talents. Let him express his own uniqueness.
- Talk about your feelings. The conversation could be like this: “I understand that your deception was dictated by a desire to spare my feelings, but the lie, on the contrary, upset me very much.” Thus, the parent shows support for the child, but asks him to continue to be honest. Just don’t turn a conversation about emotions into a way to manipulate a child.
- Offer to evaluate the consequences. For example, a schoolchild constantly “gets sick” before an important dictation or test. In this case, you can call a doctor to simultaneously make sure there are no health problems and show what the consequences of deceiving other people are.
To begin with, I will tell you about one unusual experiment: three-year-old children were asked to sit without turning around, while something interesting was behind them. The experimenter told everyone: “I’ll go out for a minute, and then I’ll show you what it is, if, of course, you don’t turn around.” With these words the adult left. Of course, almost all the kids turned around. Later they did not admit it. What the children showed us in this experiment is normal behavior necessary for the development of a child.
Until a child turns seven years old, he confuses what is really happening and what is just pretend. For example, a child begins to enthusiastically tell how he saw a flying elephant. There is nothing wrong with such fantasies. Fantasy differs from lies in that the child does not want to achieve anything, does not try to manipulate you or wishful thinking. And even if in his fantasy the child replaces reality with fiction, for example, says that it was the hippopotamus that spilled the cocoa, it is better not to catch him in a lie, but to say: “It seems to me that you feel sorry that you spilled the cocoa, and would prefer it if made by a hippopotamus.”
But there are other lies that cannot be ignored.
Paul Ekman- an outstanding American psychologist, professor at the University of California, a leading expert in the field of psychology of emotions, interpersonal communication, psychology and lie recognition, believes that a child’s lie is the first sign of mistrust between him and an adult. This is the result of lack of confidence in one’s strengths and capabilities. A lie speaks of a lack of faith that mom and dad will come to the rescue in a difficult situation.
Children never lie for no reason. Every lie has a reason. For a child, this is a way to change something in their life. When we try to eradicate lies as such, we rarely achieve results. A more rewarding way is to try to find out why he is lying. I don’t promise you that this will cause the child to suddenly stop lying, but I assure you that the trust and warmth that arose with this attempt will sooner or later play a positive role and the child will have fewer reasons to lie.
Unlike kids, younger schoolchildren cheat deliberately. Paul Ekman found out the most common reasons for lying:
- to hide your harm and guilt for it;
- to show a hostile attitude towards dad and mom;
- for adults to praise.
Older children have completely different motives for lying:
- lack of attention;
- protection of friends;
— assertion of one’s position;
- protecting your secret;
- desire to avoid awkwardness;
- desire for self-affirmation;
- fear of humiliation or shame;
— testing one’s own strength;
- problems in the team;
— building your boundaries in relationships with parents.
According to the school psychologist Anna Antonova, first of all, the parents themselves need to figure out what exactly, from their point of view, is the lie. And is this even a lie? For example, secrets are normal. After all, we adults have a great many of them, and this is our personal space. Hiding bad grades is also not completely cheating. The thought appears in the child’s head: “Does a good schoolboy get bad grades? No!" Therefore, even if they do not scold at home for bad grades, the child will try not to upset his parents.
Habitual, almost constant lying at the age of ten and older is a bad sign, and cannot be treated with humor and condescension. The first thing to do is to figure out why the child is lying. The most common reasons for lying in teenagers are feelings of jealousy and competition, fear of rejection, and the need for more attention and approval. Often he does not see other acceptable alternatives to get the attention or help he craves. It sounds paradoxical, but many teenagers would rather be punished than ignored.
What to do if a child is lying?
What helps stop the cycle of lies, dishonest excuses and confusion between fantasy and lies?
- You need to create conditions so that the child trusts you, so that he is absolutely sure that you will not hurt his pride and will not make him regret the secret he told.
— Eliminate physical punishment;
—Tell your child about the consequences of lying:
- lies get in the way of love and trust, harm relationships between people;
- lies are often revealed;
- lying brings relief only for a while;
- if you deceive, be prepared for the fact that others can deceive you.
- Give the opportunity to feel independent and responsible for your actions.
But without a personal example, these words will remain words.
If a child is lying, your main task is not to expose him to the truth. Now it is important to convince him that you can be trusted in a difficult situation, that home is not a place where they demand something from him and for something, but a place where he will be helped.
Video materials
The child often lies
What to do if a child is lying? Why does the child lie?
Children's lies
Most likely, many mothers and fathers have had to face the fact that their child does not always tell the truth. Children enjoy embellishing their stories a little and imagining things. Parents are worried: why do children lie? And if you don’t pay attention to this, then an incorrigible liar may grow up in the family. Our article is about how to stop a child from lying. You will also learn what to do if a child is lying, and read useful advice from a psychologist.
Where does deception begin?
Children's lies: norm or deviation?
It is interesting that some psychologists consider children's lies to be the norm and do not consider them as a negative phenomenon. From what? In the first years of life, a child develops rapidly, receiving a large flow of varied information: he processes it, learns to use it daily. He begins to understand what is reality and what is fiction. When developing speech, the baby relies on his logical thinking. He forms a certain impression about the world around him, and what he cannot find an explanation for, he completes using his imagination.
Little children begin to be cunning when adults forbid something. This is where logic kicks in again and the kid thinks: “If this is not possible, then if I say something else, will it be possible?” And the child begins to select options on how to get what is forbidden. This is where the deception begins.
“As a child grows up, an innocent lie can develop into the habit of getting what he wants through deception, and this is no longer good.”
The main reasons for children's lies
Children lie for a variety of reasons.
Among the main reasons for children's lies are the following:
- desire to get what parents forbid
- desire to appear better than he really is
- fear of punishment
- self-justification
- improvement of social status
- contradiction of the child's expectations
- lies of a pathological nature.
Let's consider each of the reasons separately in order to understand what to do in this or that case.
The desire to get what parents forbid
How does this happen?“Dad let me take the candy!” (and dad wasn’t even at home). “I didn’t know what time it was, so I was late home,” etc.
What should I do? If in your family the word “impossible” is repeated more often than others, then the child will be forced to defend his rights and interests with the help of lies. It is better to reconsider your prohibitions and reduce their number. Leave those related to the child’s safety, his diet and dietary traditions, as well as some educational issues. Having gained a little more independence, the child will feel freedom and will develop a sense of responsibility for his actions. In addition, explain to the child that what he wants can be obtained through other means, for example, by asking and explaining why he needs it, as well as by following the rules outlined by the parents.
The desire to appear better than one really is
How does this happen? The child may begin to talk about his extraordinary strength, dexterity, intelligence, courage, endurance, although it will be clear to adults: he is trying to pass off wishful thinking.
What should I do? How to treat this - as a lie or as a fantasy? This symptom is very alarming. The child lies to interest his parents. Why? Maybe he doesn’t have enough warmth, affection, attention, love, interest, or real support. One of the main tasks of parents is to stimulate the development of their child’s abilities and explain that each person has his own talents. Some are good at skateboarding, some sing or dance great, and some know everything about the Egyptian pyramids or space. So you need to develop and show your real abilities, and then no one will consider you a liar or a braggart.
Fear of punishment
How does this happen? If a child understands that for accidentally breaking a cup he can be deprived of something good or, worse, beaten, he will try his best to hide the “traces of the crime.”
What should I do? By punishing the child too often and severely, parents provoke his desire to avoid them in any way. It’s better to make decisions about punishment after the fact: if you broke it - you need to remove it, if you broke it - you need to fix it, you got a bad mark - you need to study and fix it. This will be fair, since such an attitude will not offend the child’s dignity, as a result of which he will not want to resort to deception.
Self-justification
How does this happen? Sometimes a child realizes that he has done a bad thing, begins to mutter something, say a lot of things, tries to explain himself in order to justify himself, for example: “He started it first!” After which a story is given about how the offender started first, what offenses he caused, etc. Note that the “offender” tells a similar story.
What should I do? Such lies are the most difficult to eradicate. This lie, like a stain remover, is designed to bring the “victim’s” self-esteem back to normal. Try to make it clear to your child that you still love him, even if he was the one who “started it first.” Discuss what happened on a friendly note, and then there will be less deception.
Improved social status
How is it happening?Sometimes d Children tend to invent simply incredible stories about their parents: about their wealth, about toys that are given in tons, about trips to distant countries, about how dad appears on TV almost every day. These dreams of a better existence indicate the child’s dissatisfaction with his social status. A child can understand such things already at 3-4 years old, and at 5 years old he will already have a good understanding of who is rich and who is poor.
What should I do? If the child’s deception is “status”, you need to think about whether it is possible to give him at least part of what he so dreams of? Maybe not “just like that,” but so that the child puts in a little of his own effort. Regarding “greedy” preschoolers who uncontrollably want to get all the toys on earth, explain that this is unrealistic, but it is possible to receive good gifts from time to time.
Conflicting child's expectations
How does this happen? Let's say a girl loves to draw, and her mother sees her as a musician; the boy wants to enroll in a radio club, and his dad sees him as a talented translator. While their parents are away from home, they draw and design, and then lie about how hard they studied music or English. Or a child with quite average abilities, whom his parents want to see as an excellent student, talks about the bias of his teachers, justifying his low level of success.
What should I do? Unfortunately, it happens that the expectations of parents are a heavy burden for children. This is an alarming symptom. Think about whether your expectations contradict the child’s inclinations and interests? It is dishonest to force him to show abilities and achieve goals instead of you (in accordance with your unfulfilled childhood dreams), “for you in childhood.” Understand that your child is on his own path, and if you create favorable conditions for the development of what he does best, there will be less deception.
Pathological children's lies occurs infrequently, and it requires consultation with specialist psychologists in each individual case.
Lies of children of different ages
It is difficult to distinguish lies from fantasy in preschool children.
“Children can lie for the first time when they are 3-4 years old. And at the age of 6 years, the child will already clearly understand that he is deliberately lying.”
Let's see how children's lies manifest themselves at different ages:
4-5 years. Preschoolers can confuse reality with a fictional world, so they wishful thinking - these are the features of their development. The lies of children of this age cannot be perceived as the opposite of the truth. It's more of a fantasy.
7-9 years old. In the minds of younger schoolchildren, a line between the real and the fictional world already appears. Children experiment with the possibilities of lying, knowing that what they are saying is not true. Parents should know that behind frequent lies there may be more serious problems that are better understood.
How to teach a child to be honest
If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own benefit, think about what the problem is and how to eradicate it.
"Advice. There is no way to do without prohibitions in education, since permissiveness is not a way out of the situation.”
How to explain to a child that any lie is a bad quality?
- If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own benefit, think about what the problem is and how to eradicate it. In this case, it is necessary to analyze the situation and find out the reasons for dishonesty. After all, children usually don’t lie just like that: their circumstances provoke them to do so. By calmly understanding the reasons for the lie, it will not be difficult for the parent to achieve a positive result.
- You need to talk with your child more often on topics of good and evil, analyzing various situations, using examples of children's films and cartoons, and fairy tales.
- Showcase your positive example. For example, when dad is at home and you say on the phone that he is not there, you show your child that lying is not a bad thing.
- Tell your child that there is a “polite lie,” which involves treating people tactfully in order not to offend them (for example, when you didn’t like a birthday present).
Watch a video about manifestations of children's lies and ways to eradicate them
Useful advice from a psychologist will help you organize the educational process correctly:
- Don't punish people for cheating. Your indignation and screaming will only tell your child that the lie should be hidden more strongly. At the same time, the child will not stop lying, but will only become more secretive.
- Learn to distinguish between children's fantasies (which can be useful) and lies. Children are prone to inventions. If you hear them more often than you would like, try to diversify your child’s leisure time.
A child will be honest if he is confident that his parents will never humiliate him.
A child will be honest if:
- will be sure that his parents will never humiliate him
- will not be afraid of the anger of dad and mom or be rejected by them
- will know that he will be supported in a difficult situation and given good advice
- will be confident that if they punish it, it will be fair
- will know that in a controversial situation his parents will be on his side
- will be sure that there is trust in the family.
Do you want your child to be honest? Make truth a cult in your family. Praise your child for being honest. It is better to teach a child not to lie than to punish him all the time.
Honesty is precisely this quality that parents strive to cultivate in their child. But how sad it is to realize that your beloved child, having barely learned to speak, begins to lie. There is no need to despair right away; experts say that the problem of children's lies can be solved. Pedagogical recommendations will tell you what to do if a child is lying.
Reasons for children's lies
Parents often wonder: why do children lie? Teachers say that this phenomenon can be caused by various reasons:
- Lies as a consequence of childhood problems. A child’s desire to lie indicates that your son or daughter needs help. Children, like adults, have difficult moments. And then a lie helps to find a way out of the situation, to assert oneself, and to feel more confident. And adults, instead of labeling their child a liar, should delve deeper into his problems and help him understand them.
Important! Parents, become your child's friend. Don't leave him alone with your problems. Solve them together as you go. And then there will simply be no place for untruth in your relationship.
Important! By carefully studying the reasons for children's lies, you will be able to “keep your finger on the pulse,” and your child’s behavior will be understandable and predictable for you.
What you need to know about the characteristics of children's lies
Children under four years of age, as a rule, do not lie. As they grow up, they begin to understand that if they hide their bad deeds from their loved ones and embellish their good ones, then they can derive a lot of benefit from this. After all, good things can be praised and encouraged. And a bad deed is followed by punishment. This is how, step by step, children master the slippery science of lying. And here the role of relatives is great. It is at this stage that they must catch the initial manifestations of lies and begin to fight them. If you do not do this, then the child, believing in impunity for his behavior, will get used to constantly lying.
Very often, adults, without noticing it themselves, set a “role model” for their child. There are quite a lot of similar cases when children witness outright lies from their parents. And there is no guarantee that next time they will not behave the same way.
Important! Dear parents, try to build your relationships with your loved ones in such a way that your children do not witness your unseemly actions and deception.
How lying manifests itself at different age stages
Features of lies in young children
Ages 2 - 4 years are the age of dreamers. Children's imagination is actively developing, and they invent a bunch of different stories with fictional characters. Fairy tales and the real world merge together in his mind. And here the correct reaction of adults to the child’s fantasies is very important. It is necessary to listen carefully to his story, but then very tactfully explain the reality to the child. But you can’t ignore your child’s fantasies every time. What if in front of you is a future science fiction writer. Make up fairy tales with him, write them down, draw pictures for them. Develop the creative imagination of your little dreamer.
Features of lies in preschool children
Preschoolers are forced to deceive by fear of punishment, fear of losing the love of those closest to them, and sometimes by the desire to gain some benefit for themselves. If parents show strictness towards their children, they perceive it as a lack of love. In order not to further aggravate this severity, the child, in an effort not to upset his parents, begins to lie: “I fed the fish today,” “I put all the books and toys in my room” (although in fact he did nothing of this). But the need for parental love and praise makes him tell lies.
The reaction of adults who catch their son or daughter in a lie should not be aimed at condemning the child himself, but at disapproving of the fact of his lie. Here it is important to establish trusting contact with the preschooler and behave kindly towards him.
Important! Always love your child. And let the actions that upset you not become an obstacle to your love for him. Build your relationship with your son or daughter in such a way that they understand that they are loved no matter what. And then there will simply be no need to tell lies.
Peculiarities of lies among younger schoolchildren
The child is in a new status for him - the status of a student. In this regard, he has an urgent need for personal space in which he will feel like a little master. In addition, the younger student feels the need to please others. Therefore, children hide their negative actions with lies. The role of parents here is to be able to convey to the child’s consciousness the idea that secrets always become apparent and that deception will not help solve the problem.
At this age, a junior schoolchild begins to lie in order to occupy a worthy niche among friends and classmates. He already distinguishes truth from untruth. However, he very skillfully invents about the non-existent material benefits of the family, about celebrity relatives, about personal acquaintances with a famous athlete. What should parents do? Just remember your tall tales, which you also probably surprised your friends with. But it is necessary to control the situation.
During the transition to adolescence, new features of children's lies appear. Experts say that, having established the boundaries of their space, boys and girls are reluctant to let anyone in there. Attempts by loved ones to violate these boundaries lead to aggression, reproaches, and lies. If they stubbornly do not let you into their space, then adults should think about the fact that there is no trust between them and the child. The roots of this problem may lie in an overly strict educational system in the family. Parental control, prohibitions, punishments lead to the fact that in order to protect his right to privacy, the child begins to lie. The first thing that needs to be done is to reconsider the methods of education and try to win the trust of your loved one, otherwise lies will be his constant companion.
Important! Build your relationship with your children on the basis of trust and mutual understanding. And then the child, feeling a friend in your face, will be able to reveal his cherished secrets.
How to recognize children's lies?
Parents often ask how to tell if a child is lying? There are certain signs indicating this:
- In a conversation, he repeats the last phrase you said to stall the time he needs to come up with a convincing answer.
- When talking, he makes involuntary gestures: he pulls his ear, wrinkles his nose, scratches his head.
- Realizing the unattractiveness of his act (lie), he begins to speak in a quieter, sometimes even hoarse voice.
- To hide a lie, he may distract you with conversations on empty topics.
- The fact that a child is lying may be indicated by his posture: frequent changes in the position of his arms and legs.
- Often a liar is betrayed by a gaze that is almost unblinking.
- If you carefully observe a deceiver during a conversation, the following actions can give him away: coughing, licking his lips, unreasonably long pauses in response to a question addressed to him.
Actions of parents in case of children's lies
- Let him know that you are aware of his lies.
- Remain as calm as possible.
- Do not put moral pressure on the child, do not label him.
- Completely eliminate the possibility of physical punishment. Find decent ways to deal with lies: explain to your child why you shouldn’t lie, give examples from children’s books, favorite cartoons, refer to examples from the surrounding life (peers, relatives, neighbors), praise even the slightest attempt to tell the truth.
- Reconsider your behavior and, if you yourself allow lies in the presence of your beloved child, try not to repeat them in the future.
- Have a heart-to-heart talk with your daughter or son, explain that regardless of behavior, your love for him remains the same, but the very fact of lying is very upsetting.
- Make an appointment with a psychologist who will help teach your child to tell the truth.
- The question is not easy. But the answer suggests itself - you can wean him off, you just need to eliminate the reasons that prompt him to tell lies.
- Communicate more with your children, take an interest in their affairs, school successes, friends, share your problems, include them in the life of the family.
- Try to become an example of an honest and principled person for your son or daughter. Children tend to follow our example.
- Show your children that they can completely trust you in any situation.
- Using real-life and literary examples, explain the consequences that a lie can lead to.
- In the process of education, shift the emphasis towards the formation of moral qualities of the individual, including honesty, which in the future will lead to a conscious understanding of moral standards.
- Teach your child to be responsible for his actions, use everyday and specially organized situations for this.
- Analyze your requirements for your child and, if you find them harsh enough, urgently change educational measures. But at the same time, remember that prohibitions cannot be completely eliminated, because this is a sure step towards permissiveness.
- Try to “resolve” the situation in such a way as not to punish the child for lying. Otherwise, the child will simply hide the lies more carefully.
- If you think punishment is inevitable, try to make the child realize its fairness.
- Build parent-child relationships based on mutual understanding and trust, then perhaps your children will have no reason to use lies as a way to solve their problems.
Important! You need to make sure that your child understands that you are his friend, and not an accuser in court.
Dear parents! Your desire to raise an honest and principled person is understandable and justified. Teach this to your child every day, every hour. Teach by example, learn from the mistakes of others, but don’t teach by punishment. Build the life of your family so that honesty and truth are a cult and a slogan in it.
Toddlers are not able to lie at all until a certain time. But not because they are so honest by nature - it’s just that lying requires sufficient development of thinking and speech. Until the age of 2–3 years, a child still knows too little and does not express his thoughts well to lie. In addition, for the appearance of lies, a certain level of language development is necessary: in order to lie “high-quality”, you need to choose the right words and have a good memory. From 3 to 5 years old, children actively accumulate experience, including emotional ones, and form ideas about the concepts: bad, good, shame, guilt, etc. The child absorbs patterns of behavior accepted in society (good manners, tact), which in themselves presuppose some omissions, omissions, i.e. “white lie”; learns to evaluate his actions and predict consequences, tries to manipulate adults in order to achieve his own goals. In fact, this is a normal adaptation to social life. It is during this period that it “slips through”, at first it is simple and naive, but as the baby practices, his deceptions will “improve.” What is this, the norm or gaps in education?
When you find out that a child is lying, you should not be upset right away - his development is proceeding in a normal way. After all, children's lies appear during the period of active language acquisition and imagination development, and these are the main acquisitions of a child in preschool age. Speech forms the basis of logical thinking, and imagination helps to comprehend mentally what cannot be touched, heard, or seen in reality. It also indicates that the child is beginning to navigate society, because deception is a new form of influencing others, more mature and adult than what the child had previously (screams, tears, hysterics). Therefore, we can say that children's lies are a common occurrence, and every child sooner or later goes through this stage. However, this does not mean that a child’s lies are a norm that can be ignored or encouraged. Deception always has reasons, and if situations where the child is cunning and shifts his blame onto others begin to repeat, it is necessary to figure out what is behind it.
